went to the hospital juz nw to visit ma cousin(ying jie)..she's recoverinjg frm her jaw op..they went to push back her jaw cuz it was stickin out pretty badly..

well we met up wit ma aunts n uncles n then i saw hw Peiyi(same age as me n is ying jie's youngest sibling) had made this drastic change..wow..well the biggest shock was wen i saw Zheng hui(peiyi's older bro n ying jie's younger sibling) . he loked so much like randall...it was damn weird...but he wasnt 'dao' like b4..he was super fun to talk to...i went bobing up n down on our way frm the ward to 7-11 n i started boobing..wen we went up to the ward he did the bob walkk wit me!!! YAY!!! SO FUN!! WE SHOULD BOB WALK FOREVER!!!!..anw..i cant wait fo the nxt family gathering so that all the cousins can meet up again...

must lose weight..i must b fit..i wanna run nw..n its like...10.42 nw...im weird...

im done moping arnd..i guess..OMG!!! MCR VID!! brb...

-3 mins later-
back...they were playin 'im nt okay'..was hopin it to b helena..nw am watchin simpsons....

well...i think im over him but then there's this like...wad...20% of me...that still cant get over him..im kinda confused cuz i dunno if i should go to meetin tmr...sam says that its sme golden award thing...where they like write stuff about you..i wanna c wad they're gonna write bout me but then..i dun even wanna show ma face there..there's so much tension durin meeting..there's so little..fun!!

y did i get myself involved in this shit!!!!!

mcr is buzzworthy artist of the month..this is nt good....everyone's gonna think they're 'PUNK'....gay..damn bad...
well..i didnt cry over him today...managed nt to do so..n mum's shoutin across the hall to ask me to shut the com off n she keeps gg on about revision n things like theat..usin stuff against me always...well..here i go... -havin concert rush afta watchin mcr perfrom live on tv-

i come back home thinking life wont b so painful
i sit n find i dont have a decent meal
my maid doesnt wanna cook fo me
im stuck with the same macaroni soup
the very thing i had last nite
last week
the week before
two weeks before
nope...she dun wanna cook
so im starin at the new concoction
a cranberry,sprite n apple juice drink
odd...
it tastes like beer...
has that bitter after taste that doesnt go away
my stomach still screams for food..
im starving
im nt hungry but my stomach is....
it was like that fo recess too
juz took a sip outta ma cup
that bitterness
like how he acted
how much impact it had on my life
how i cried a lil during the exam today
how i silenced myself
juz thinking of that incident
i thought that everything in my life would b perfect
that was my mentality at the start of the year
life proves you wrong again by twisting things
now im back at sec 2
n how my life came crashing down
im juz waiting to break down once more

was i being a lil too sensitive
mayb it was bcuz we havent talk/seen each other for months
mayb thats y
but it was so immense
gotta ask joan hw she felt about his actions tmr...
how i wish i was being sensitive
pls say i was
i dont want this to continue
i dont wanna cry anymore

'so im counting my tears'
till i get over you' -michelle branch


'even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the dark that fills my mind
i somehow find
you and i
collide....' -howie day

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


i consulted three roses,
all bearing his name.
they spoke no words,
telephatic communications.
soon as their petals fell,
blown away by the wind.
the verdict came rolling in.


they floated around me,
in circular motion.
and whispering softly;
as if the words
could bring poison onto the bearer's lips;
as if acid that could corrode their soul.


they spoke in unison,
as the wind died down,
with an air of weary lingering in the air.

'he loves you not....'


and they fell to the ground

im in immense emotional pain
thing is...
why?
it was,n has always been, a silly crush
but y is this feelin bombardin
my everywhere
inside n out

was in the shower when i started thinkin of hw he acted yesterday..i'll neva forget the way he acted
he was juz....blank..like the world cuz juz pass him by n he is oblivious to it...
he didnt look anywhere..juz infront..blank as usual
he didnt speak
at times he look like he didnt blink at all
he was juz BLANK

i feel so low
im weakened frm depression
the entire day was spent on cryin silently in the bedrme
attemptin to study but cried even more
cried till i feel asleep
ive lost my appitite alrdy
that's nt so bad
but its good to know that i dun use suicide
even though i still think about it

talkin to sam n tracy really help
but still
its the immense emotional torture
still lingerin in my soul
like a scar frm the time u fell down

'u some how find
you and i
collide' -howie day 'collide'

smiling as become a chore once again
laughter must b forced out

since he acts this way
no point going bck anymore
i dont really like antioch as much as i did b4
those were juz memories
like those i had wen walkin to church frm the mrt
how happy we were talkin away in december
memories
how i wish they would burn up

i hate u
yet
i still love u

but it juz a silly crush
we haf to move on...rite?