im sick of feelin this way
i know
i'll get over it and i tell a ton of ppl that im over it
no..im nt
i just lied to myself again...and im becoming a cynic..soon ppl with turn away from me and life now in its somewhat close to pristine state..will b lost..

so yes

i do want that feeling of having a companion
friends can only do so much
sure they help and care and show so much love for u
but they dont LOVE u in that way

i juz hate the way i am..chubby,unkempt haired,less than average looking kid

17 and deadly..
cynical and wanting more
but what exactly do i want

mayb im just tired but ive been this way since day 1
arms aching and back breaking..
eyes droping and dry..sleep

i just wan that someone
then sleep
won have its ugly head reared in my direction

so first day of skool...lets say i'm loving the nursing lab work ahah..really fun..
lectures=doodle mindlessly and stare occasionally at the projector and the contents floating about on the screen..joy right..yeah i know..

the funniest thing happened today..
went to skool 30 mins b4 classes and thought 'i'll get the notes for the class today' ..lo and behold..there;s this unending line stretching from the middle of blockK and snaking all the way around to the photocopying shop at block H..hilarious?? very..

turned to rosh n was like,,crap it..if i try n get em now..i wont b able to get to class and that wont b good on the first day of skool now isit??

so blah blah..2 hrs of nursing lab[we were let off 20 mins in advance=standard proceedure]..do admin admin admin then PAOW!! run to LTK frm block J..drained my brains out n forced myself to stay awake..laughin inappropriately but heck it..i couldnt care less if the world thought i was mad cuz i was tryin to concentrate..u should see my doodles..kinda fun whee

so the lecture done..collected money n RUUUNNNNNNN..k techincally nicole ran to join the mindless line..i felt like a herd of cattle awaiting my turn to b milked..fine they may not get milked but I DONT CARE!!

got 18 sets of notes for duh 18 ppl and 2 nursing lab books cuz kelvin n one of nicole's frens needed it so yes duh i got it for them..

luckily the rest were still in skool..passed it to those who were present and hadnt vanished in a big cloud of POOF..

carried 3 sets home then when ONBOARD THE TRAIN AT BISHAN..i realized..wait a minute..how many sets should i have??

found the nearest available seat although i was dead ready to dump the 2 thick stacks of notes on someone's lap to fish out my notebook..
found one..
sits butt down on seat and doesnt bother to make the general introductions..
fumbles about with bag and slams person bside me with it but doesnt care..

flip
flipity
flipity flipty
flipity flipty flop
ah HA!! found it
...
count count count
SHMACKINC MONKEY BUTTOCKS!!
I DIDNT GET A SET FOR MYSELF!!!

chucksnotebookbackintobaganddigsforphoneDIALDIALDIAL!!
call ppl to find out who has an extra set or who's in skool and can buy one for me..

ahah
rosh says im being too kind..gabe too.not to forget ma sis and mum said that to me too but

whats so wrong about it??

so tmr its acedemic day of skool..fun time's over kids..but i have this sneaky suspicion that the fun element will b hovering above all our heads..

gabe suggested i wear skirts since ive been complaining to him and alot more that im nt girly enough and that i wanna b..
so gabe..this is what i have to say
...
...

ARE U INSANE!!! DO U NOE HW DIFFICULT IT IS TO SIT IN MY UBER SHORT DENIM SKIRT!! IVE GOT PRACTS AND TUTORIALS AND LECTS!!! THE LAST THING I NEED IS THE LECTURER TO B TELLING ME TO PULL MY SKIRT DOWN!!

ahaha..so yes ahaha..but its okay gabe..i forgive u ahah


managed to type out my class schedule..its madness on paper but..ive gotta get used to it..


gotta wake up at 6am everyday..i will kill someone..thank god for the many uneaten mars bars in the fridge..that'll b my power bar on those sluggish days of mine wheeee..SUGAR RUUUUUSH!!!!